Is it appropriate to declare victory over my first full week of teacher training? I’ll have to meditate on that a bit…
What I’m learning is beyond measure and bullet-points, so I’ll just say that I’m learning a LOT – about history, postures, myself. We’re doing a lot of reading, which I thought I would hate, but I’ve been looking forward to my little bits of reading-alone-time and soaking it all up like a sponge. I find myself reading the Sanskrit out loud and reading over passages just to make sure that I’ve taken it all in. I’m in love.
Class never seems long enough. The postures haven’t been so physically challenging yet, but getting my head around the intricacies of each asana has been incredibly exciting. I’m at once wondering if I’ll ever be able to get it right and cheering quietly inside my head each time I have the opportunity to correct something that wasn’t quite working for me before. With this, however, comes a lot of feelings of self-doubt and self-praise that I need to let go. I have to quiet my mind and just get to class, ready to learn. I have to practice what I’m learning by letting go of my ego and just let the learning happen.
Sanskrit is beautiful. When hearing the poses in Sanskrit, I don’t feel alienated or intimidated, I’m excited and drawn in.
Partnering up with my classmates for feedback is so beneficial. I’m a feedback junkie – it’s part of my process of getting better at all things. It’s not about approval, but an opportunity to absorb insight. I’m particularly grateful to my Saturday exercise partner, Classmate M, for calling me out on my stereotypical personal trainer tendencies while teaching. (I’m also grateful to Classmate D for saying I remind her of Padma Lakshmi *wink*) I don’t know if I’ll ever lose that edge in my communication technique, but I hope to soften it just a bit. I can be cuddly, too. I know it!
This week’s homework assignment (beyond writing a paper on “What is yoga…”) is to pay attention to how we may be causing harm and to practice Ahimsa. I keep finding myself whispering “ahimsa, ahimsa, ahimsa” every time I become annoyed. My main goal for the week is to soften my approach when I become frustrated. My frustration is my problem. If I can’t be patient with someone, it’s not their fault. I need to let go of blame, take a deep breath, and deal with each situation a little less aggressively. I also want to be more attentive to my family members. They deserve my attention and too often they’re answered with a nod instead of eye-contact and words, because I’m buried in work on the computer. I’m going to focus on looking away from the laptop and paying more attention to real life people.
All is good with the logistics. My fears of leaving Baby Summer are diminishing. Saturday class is a big carbon footprint day because Justin is driving over an hour round-trip to bring her to me to nurse on my lunch break, but I think that will stop as she gets older and less dependent on the boob. Justin and Winona (my 13-year-old) handled everything just fine – they are my heroes. I’ve also found two morning classes during the week to fulfill my Vinyasa practice requirement. I want to do more, but that’ll do for now.
I was so worried that this was not the right time for me – for my family. But that’s all gone now. Everyone is fine. This is going to be just fine.
Playtime with Summer after a long day at Yoga TT